Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

Warning:
While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: March / April 2013 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

Shane leans against the bar with his back to the hired gunman sitting in the corner. Little Joey has run all the way from the farm ... Breathlessly he sneaks a look at the two gunfighters from under the saloon door. He knows only one man will live through the next few minutes...

Shane: So you're Jack Wilson.
* long pause...
Jack Wilson: What's that mean to you, Shane?
Shane: I've heard about you.
Jack Wilson: What have you heard, Shane?
* long pause.. Shane turns to face Wilson....Wilson stands.. faces Shane...
Shane: I've heard that you're a low-down, Cheesy Newsletter readin,' Yankee liar.
Jack Wilson: Prove it.

Shane.. Alan Ladd / Jack Wilson...Jack Palance / Shane.. 1953


News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Loevestein Castle, Poederoijen, the Netherlands! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our March / April POTM was contributed by Gijs van Dijk (aka.. Mo'Gas) of the Netherlands . He says of the shot... "This was taken January 2 on a rare beautiful day, just days before the snow came and my first test ride after fixing my clutch (long and different story). It’s around noon, on a chilly but nice day. In the background you see castle ‘Loevestein’, which is a historic monument that played a significant part in Dutch history. It’s about 30 miles from my hometown. You can see the traditional star shaped earth defense wall which is surrounded by a large moat in front of the castle. Behind the earth wall (not visible) is another, thick brick wall as a second defense. The castle itself is surrounded with another moat and a bridge that can be pulled up. You can say it is heavily fortified. :) The shot was taken with my new camera, a Nikon D800. I am still getting used to this camera as it is way different from the old camera and way more advanced. Now that the clutch is fixed, I can see many opportunities coming to hone my skills with the new camera. At 75,000km, this bike still rocks! "

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, K1600GT, GTL, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

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Customer Showcase : WhyPrep.com.. For When The Music's Over..

Now and then one of our customers mentions to me that they have started their own business and asks for opinions, advice, a critique of their website, naked pictures of Amber, financial backing, or at the very least.. a mention in our most holy of newsletters.. Most of the time I politely listen and decline, but in this economy.. I try to help out whenever I can.. Quid pro quo and all that.. Here's one I deem worthy.. Absolutely nothing wrong with being prepared..

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end ...
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end ... The Doors (1967)

The following wordage is from long time customer, David Mays (and fellow K1200RS rider.) David...with one or two edits from myself.

"We live in disturbing times. Our climate is frighteningly becoming more and more extreme in one way or another. Our government is doing things without direct representation of the people who hired them.. us. . As a result, I started a website called www.whyprep.com. This website is dedicated to those individual who want to make sure they are prepared for whatever comes their way whether it is related to a natural disaster or a man-made catastrophe. If you watched the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy or Katrina or have watched any Godzilla movie... you know that counting on FEMA might be a mistake.


Our goal is to inform as many people as possible of the efforts they should be making to prepare for the worst so that when bad things happen they can cruise through them with as little trouble as possible. We are adding many items to the site at great prices and encourage those who want to learn more about how to prepare for difficult times. Currently we have alternate power options that can keep things going during outages, AR-15 rifles that are mil-spec and still shipping in reasonable time frames, food, and much more. More items being added in whole categories over the next month all dedicated to preparedness."

The awareness has to get out there of what is going on both in climate as well as governmentally so we can all be a little more prepared for things that might go wrong. Good luck out there and ride safe. ReadyMan, whyprep.com K1200RS

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Laser Exhausts & Pirates Lair... "Houston.. We Have a Problem!" New US Laser Exhaust Distributor?

As per our January newsletter.. we had just worked out all  logistical details with Laser .. ie.. costs, shipping, marketing, etc.. and had hoped to start taking orders and shipping product by now. I placed a few orders.. took a few deposits.. then.. Nothing. We lost all contact with Laser. Their website was down for almost 2 weeks then went back up. Repeated emails and faxes from us have gone unanswered for almost two months. Up until just yesterday, I had no idea if they have closed their doors or were experiencing some sort of problems or if they were kidnapped by aliens. 

Some may have noticed that on our Laser web pages I have asked our customers for assistance. I am asking anyone who has been wanting to order a Laser exhaust from Pirates Lair to email them from their contact page and see if they can get a response.. and to mention that our attempts at communication have failed..

Just 2 days ago I heard from two different customers who had emailed Laser and actually got responses. Both customers told me essentially the same thing.. Laser informed them that production was behind of the K1200S/K1300S HotCam systems, but should be in at the end of March... and that Pirates Lair would have them. Hmm.. Kinda cryptic, doncha think? No other details. I'll proceed as if this is good news although it's very odd that they still will not answer any emails from us.. their lone US importer.. It's kinda baffling and unsettling. Communication problem? Personnel shortage? Erectile dysfunction? I have no idea. I sincerely hope that the biz relationship between Pirates Lair and Laser works out as I love the products and I'd love to be able to provide them to our customers. I remain skeptical, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed..

Titanium Laser HotCam 2!

What's New In the K12 / K13 / K16 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. OK.. you just bought a bran spankin' new BMW K1600GTL and the handlebars simply aren't close enough or high enough or the angle just isn't quite right for you?? HeliBars has a solution. Check out their new Horizon Bars. They adjust in three dimensions; elevation, distance from rider, and wrist angle. Specs: 0-3" Taller 0-4" Rear Offset 1" Wider. Retail Price $695.00 . OUch! One tester said.."I have them set close to stock position but about 1 1/2 inches higher and with a completely different wrist angle. They are 1" wider which noticeably increases leverage and makes the thing feel 300 lbs lighter! Installation is a simple 1hr deal. They will be shipping first units by April 26th. You can find some pics of the kit at I-BMW.com

2. Healthcare.. Gasoline.. Food.. Prostitutes ...Remus exhausts.. Prices are going up everywhere.. We were just notified of an across the board increase in Remus pricing.

3. Found this over at I-BMW.com... If you are looking for some aftermarket foot pegs for your BMW K1200R , S1000RR, or F800... Knight Design has some...They drop your foot pegs 1 inch lower than your stock pegs to give some extra leg room. These US made pegs come in pairs, and mount with your stock pin, spring and retaining clip. A simple bolt on. They swing back just like your stock pegs. The site mentions the pegs fit the K1200R, but IMHO.. they will also fit the K1200S which uses the same factory pegs... Cost is around $135US a pair + shipping. Might be worth a look if you want to add an inch without further mods...

4. and lest I forget this mui importante tidbit of news.. the pioneer of BMW K bike discussion forums.. I-BMW.com; the original, non-sell out, no banner ad website is turning 15 years young on April 19th (!) If you've never been there.. stop in and say hello or congratulate them on their longevity. It's my favorite place to hang out! My personal thx goes out to VicS and all the moderators over there who make the place what it is today. Here's to another 15 years: http://www.I-BMW.com Volare senz ali!

5. If you're looking for some additional lighting on the front of your K1200S or K1300S..check out the Micro-Flooter Lighting Kit from Wunderlich.. The Micro-Flooter lamps have a compact square shaped metal body and mount under the headlight and over the front fender.. similar to standard PIAA kits. The H3 (55 watts) lamps generate a powerful light despite their small size. They produce a soft-light transition at the edge of the light beam, and illuminates the road sides almost like a cornering light (helping to avoid hitting Bambi jumping out of bushes at night). The lamp brackets have built-in reflector screens for each lamp to reduce light pollution for rider and other road users. The set includes everything required for easy fitting: 2 Micro Flooter lamps including H3 bulbs, wiring harness, switch and relays ready for the K1200S as well as two strong laser-cut anodized aluminum brackets. The kit looks to be a bit pricey at $249+ shipping, but I like the look. I would imagine that in combination with an H7 HID.. Stevie Wonder would see you coming.

6. Here's a new product for your fat-ass BMW K16's..Check out the slim hard-bag lids offered by Hard Racing Spirit. The slim lids were designed for urban mobility.. ie.. making the bike easier to maneuver through traffic. They reduce the original case’s thickness from 17cm to 6cm. The total motorcycle width reduction is 22 cm! Sweet!! Some people like and even need a fat ass... Nothing wrong with that, but if you are wanting to slim down a bit.. these ABS plastic lids should do the job while keeping a factory look. Cost is a lofty $376Euro which breaks down to a sphincter busting $490US + shipping.. They also offer slim-lids for the BMW R1200 RT/ST/GT for around $282US + shipping.

What's in your wallet?

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. New K1200RS Product for 2013! It's been 9 years since the last BMW K1200RS rolled off the assembly line in Germany. Yes.. it's been that long. At least once every couple of months we hear about an aftermarket accessory for that bike being dropped from production due to lack of demand so it's nice when we get news that a new product for those bikes is available.. Just last week we added a Kisan Tailblazer kit to our menu. We'll have 2 versions within the next few days.. One for the 1998-2001 K1200RS and another for the 2002-2004 K1200RS/GT. Essentially.. it's a plug-n-play replacement tail light bulb that flashes on deceleration. As soon as you tap your brakes, that texting teen behind you will see a rapid flash of the brake lights. The Kisan TailBlazer uses a flash pattern, which decays exponentially - a well-recognized deceleration warning. If you have the same fear of taking it in the ass as I do... (insert sick pun here)... the Tailblazer is for you.. $77 delivered. Can-Bus/ABS compatible. Spare bulb included. You are most welcome.

2. Just a heads up to 2013 R1200GS owners looking for a Pirates Lair Backrest.. We just learned today that our R1200GS Stealth Backrest will NOT fit the 2013 models.. The 2013's have an all new rear rack... Will wait until I get my hands on a 2013 before we decide if we're gonna make a kit for that bike... Hope this doesn't crush anyone's dreams.. I'll leave that task to politicians. FYI

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

3. The 2013 Remus R1200GS Hexacone Slip-On Exhaust Systems will be hitting the market in a few weeks and we're taking pre-orders. We expect these systems to become available in the US by the beginning of May. The Remus Hexacone with its angular design transforms both the sound and look of your R1200GS. The entire line of Remus pipes guarantee increased mid-range and bottom end power, reduced weight, and a deep, sexy, throaty tone. Remus offers 2 options of Hexacone SLIP-ONS. Carbon Fiber or Titanium. Weight is kept to a minimum by means of a new internal design. The Hexacone features a removable baffle allowing the rider to have a full rich sound or a little more attitude. Kit includes all mounting hardware. System retains centerstand capability. For detailed close up.. Click Here. Chimp easy install. Cost for Ti or Carbon fiber is $899.US shipping in US Included.

4. MotoZen Levers are now available for the BMW K1600GTL and K1600GT!! They offer a smooth crisp feel with no slop as found on stock or some aftermarket levers. Levers are CNC machined out of aircraft-grade aluminum and coated with a clear anodized finish. There are so many adjustment options (including length) on these that it'll make your head spin so getting the ergos right on your bike has never been easier. You can even adjust these on the fly! Individual replacement parts are available. You deserve the best and without plundering your wallet. Available in red/blue/gold/silver/black/titanium look. $170.US delivered in the USA.

5. We've been getting a lot of requests for brake lever extensions from the K1600GT/GTL guys and up until last week.. none were available.. Well, my friends.. as promised we now have them in stock. These are made by Hornig (of Germany) so you know quality is first rate...As we all know.. a small brake lever makes for a cheatin' wife.. This brake lever adapter fits directly over the existing brake lever giving you the extra length your wife dreams about. Problem solved. Simple install using a (2) furnished set screws. Fits the K1600GT & K1600GTL only. Click Here for a full view. $76.US delivered.

6. H3 HID Availability: Due to lack of demand, we have discontinued our H3 HID kits from our menu. We will have a few replacement parts on hand should previous H3 customers have problems with their kits. We'll continue to sell H7 kits until infinity and beyond. Unless I'm mistaken, BMW hasn't put H3 kits on a bike since 2005...

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

K12 / K13 / K16 Rally Event News : 2013

2013 Blue Ridge Parkway I-BMW.com Rally: May 16-19, 2013

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 16th thru 19th, 2011 (Thur – Sun)

Call Wattstull Inn for reservations.
540-254-1551 / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king..

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair Plundering hats, Pirates Lair tees, or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from or at the rally itself..

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

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The 1st Annual I-BMW Rocky Mountain Rally: July 14 through July 17, 2013

Where: Quality Inn of Gunnison
Nearest town: Gunnison, Colorado
When: July 14 through July 17, 2013
Reservations: 970-641-1237

Our base of operations will be the Quality Inn of Gunnison, which is located at 400 E. Tomichi Ave (also known as U.S. 50) in Gunnison. They are currently taking reservations for a block of rooms that are reserved for us. I encourage you to make you reservations early (like now), and to mention that you are with the BMW Motorcycle Group in order to get the rate of $95 plus tax per night (down from their advertised $119 + tax). Most of the rooms have two queen-sized beds, but there are also some available with one king or one queen. A hot breakfast is included.

Cancellation Policy: If you call as late as the day before (24 hours) you are supposed to arrive, they will not charge your card. Also, in case of a family emergency or hospitalization, you could call the day you're due to arrive and they would also not charge your card. And I also confirmed with them that if you make the reservation and tell them that you want to arrive earlier or stay later than the Sunday to Wednesday time frame, they will give you the $95 rate for all the days that you are there.

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

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The I-BMW Kentucky Hill Country Rendezvous: Aug 8th- 10th, 2013

Where: Lure Lodge
Where: at Lure Lodge on the banks of Lake Cumberland again.
When: Aug 8, 9, 10 ( arrival Thur. depart Sun. am )
Reservations: Phone 800-325-1709 or 270-353-3111 or internet them for reservations

In 2013, the usual suspects will return to the Lure Lodge for I-BMW's Kentucky rally. The 63-room Lure Lodge overlooking beautiful Lake Cumberland offers full amenities. The indoor pool and high speed wireless internet service available at the lodge. Rooms available by late afternoon. Check-out by noon. A limited number of lodge rooms will be available for pets. Lake Cumberland cabins and campsites are also available. Check in at the Lodge on Thursday, August 8th, and check out on Sunday 10th. Please call 800-325-1709 or 270-353-3111 for your individual reservation and identify yourself as part of the I-BMW group!!

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair Plundering hats, Pirates Lair tees, or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from or at the rally itself.. If we don't reward bad behavior... who else will?? Arrrrrrg.

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The 6th Annual I-BMW Sierra Goldrush Rally: Sept 6th-10th, 2013

Where: Creekside Lodge
Where: Markleeville 14820 State Route 89, Markleeville, CA
When: Friday, September 6th… check out date is estimated to be Tuesday, September 10th
Reservations: Jeannie at the Creekside Lodge, 530 694-2229

In 2013, we will return to the Riverside Inn in Downieville for the pre-rally. We will check in at the Riverside Inn on Tuesday, September 3rd, and check out on Friday, September 6th for our ride to Markleeville. I have reserved the entire Riverside Inn, save for one room, for our group. Please call Mike or Nancy at 888-883-5100 or 530-289-1000 for your individual reservation, and you MUST identify yourself as part of the I-BMW group!!

Accommodations for the 2013 SGR event in Markleeville will be, once again, at the Creekside Lodge, and I have reserved the entire lodge for our group. Our check in date will be Friday, September 6th… check out date is estimated to be Tuesday, September 10th, but that can be determined individually when your reservation is made. Please call Jeannie at the Creekside Lodge, 530 694-2229, and once again, you MUST identify yourself as a member of the I-BMW group.

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair Plundering hats, Pirates Lair tees, or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from or at the rally itself.. If we don't reward bad behavior... who else will?? Arrrrrrg.

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

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The 14th Annual I-BMW Deals Gap Rally: October 3-6th, 2013

Where: Fontana Village Resort
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: October 3rd-6th, 2011 [Thur-Sunday]
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

Geezz. Have we been doing this for 14 years? I've had wives that didn't last that long. 20 lodge rooms w/ 2 queen beds/ns: $85+tax - 6 2br cabins with 1 queen and 2 twin beds/kitchen/ns: $120+tax When calling, specify room or cabin. Cabins will be either the Laurel or Hemlock cabins. Reservations for blocked out rooms will end 45 days prior. Saavy? Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking.

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair Plundering hats, Pirates Lair tees, or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from or at the rally itself.. If we don't reward bad behavior... who else will?? Arrrrrrg.

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

Be there!!!

 

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

Our newest contribution is for our How to Survive Deals Gap section. Sent in by Dale Wolf Sarasota, FL Woohoo! Check out his safety tip # 20! Thx, bro. Could his tip save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

The last contribution for our How-To section is..
How-To Install Verholen 85mm Handlebar Riser Installation on 2010 K1300S contributed by Sir Stephen Myott. Thx, Steve.

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

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Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues