Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA. Your name and email address will be safe with us into infinity and beyond.

Bad Santa

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: November / December 2015 Issue : Happy Holidays!

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

The family car has broken down in the snow with a flat tire. Ralphie Parker, at the urging of his mother, reluctantly gets out to help "the old man" change the tire. Mr Parker assigns him the simple task of taking care of the lug nuts...He carefully puts them in one of the hubcaps for safe keeping. Somehow, someway the hubcap goes flying, throwing the lug nuts to the wind. Without thinking Ralphie's mouth opens and....

Ralphie: Oooh fuuudge!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
Mr. Parker: [stunned] *What* did you say?
Ralphie: Uh, um...
Mr. Parker: That's... what I thought you said. Get in the car. Go on!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.
Back at home......
Mother: All right. Now, are you ready to tell me where you heard that word?
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first thing that came to mind.
Ralphie: The Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter!

Ralphie .. Peter Billingsley / Mother... Melinda Dillon / Mr Parker .. .Darren McGavin / A Christmas Story (1983)

Oooh fuuudge!

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! A Beautiful Irish Day! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our November / December POTM was contributed by photographer extrordinaire and purveyor of www.Sport-Touring.eu .. Gijs van Dijk .. aka ‘Mo'Gas’ of the Netherlands. He says of the shot... "The photo was taken on a beautiful day on the Irish west coast, near Creeragh, county Clare. It was taken using my Fuji X-T1 mirrorless camera and a 14mm lens. We were riding the entire "Wild Atlantic Way" from south to north, which is a new tourist route following the entire west coast of Ireland from Kinsale in the south, near Cork to Derry in Northern Ireland way up in the north. And they take following the entire coastline pretty literally. Including all the little goat trails to not lose sight of the ocean. We pretty much lucked out with the weather the entire time we were there, having to suit up only twice. Considering there is a very good reason Ireland is a very green country, thats a very good score. The cliffs you see in the background are amazing to view in person and litter the entire coastline. Some of them are well over a thousand feet high and you don't want to have vertigo issues when you walk up right to the edge to look down. I tried to capture some of the amazing scenery to been seen there and while it pales in comparison to the real thing."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, K1600GT, GTL, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus. C. No GS's for Gods sake.

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

2015 I-BMW. com Deals Gap Rally: Hurricane Joaquin Kicked Our Ass! (Promoted by www.I-BMW.com )

Well.. DGR 15 sucked a big one unless you were a duck or a sponge diver. Hurricane Joaquin rolled in with biblical rains just as our rally began. The timing couldn't have been worse. I could only handle 2 days of torrential rain before I bailed. Last I heard the area got 8" in 2 days and Sat was supposed to be the really "heavy" stuff. Yikes!!   In 15 years of I-BMW rallies, this was the first time that I never even got my bike out of the trailer. Not much you can do about a hurricane except bend over and take it until it's done. I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised that we had as many attendees as we did.. Just think about it.. We had at least 20 riders who knew there was a 90-100% chance of rain every freakin' day yet they came anyway.  Geezus!!  It's that kind of irrationality bordering on insanity that makes me feel right at home with this group... A few brave souls actually rode in the inclement weather although my guess is that they just didn't want to sit around the resort and drink all day.. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

The newly renovated Tapoco Lodge IMHO was impressive and did not disappoint.. It was a night and day difference over the previous years when our group of societal rejects stayed there. The grounds looked well tended. The Slick Rock restaurant downstairs was quaint and inviting.. The food at the upscale Jaspers was the best I'd ever had in the area. Our cabin was phenomenal. The staff was attentive.. As promised they actually had a welcoming sign up for our group AND an entire parking area set aside for us.. Too bad, due to the storm, few wanted to stand outside and enjoy it, but still it was nice to have covered motorcycle parking. They actually did make us feel welcome.  

Before checking out, I spoke with maybe a dozen attendees and every one said they were happy with the new digs. Done deal! We'll definitely be going back in 2016! Dates and details in rally section below...

Lastly.. Most I-BMW rally goers know that Pirates Lair gives out freebie tees or gift cards to any attendee who achieves a speeding ticket during these rallies.. While none of this years's participants were pulled over by the law, one was attacked by a giant squid. Close enough. I awarded him a tee.

Does this pic make you wet?
I 've posted the few rally pics (and I really mean a few....) that I could pilfer from I-BMW in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Look for the album cleverly titled.... DGR16-2015. Hope to see most of you there next year... I'm personally guaranteeing better weather.

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

Meet The New Boss: Escort Max 360 Radar Detector!

My name is Jerry and I have a speeding problem. It's not a choice. I was born this way. Everyone who knows me ... friends, family, local wildlife, and particularly the local rangers that patrol the Blue Ridge Parkway will confirm this. I am not proud of it. Like a receding hairline or an enlarged prostate, I just live with it and hope it doesn't get worse. As law enforcement officers are inexplicable attracted to me like Tiger Woods is to hos, I must protect myself with the best equipment my wallet can afford.

For the last few years my defensive weapon of choice have been my trusty Passport 9500ix used in conjunction with my Visual Alert from Marc Parnes. The combination has for the most part been effective, but as I like to stay on top of the new technology (like our opponents,) I'm always on the lookout for improved electronic protection. Yes, I still get infrequent "velocity awards," but those are usually due to instant-on radar of which there's virtually no fool-proof way to defend oneself or the old fashioned way of not paying attention. It seems as I get older.. my Bruce Lee-like reflexes on the binders have somewhat diminished. I find myself more easily distracted and/or less focused than in my youth. Probably a precursor of things to come? 'C'est la vie'

Just a few weeks ago I got a flyer in the mail from Escort featuring their newest, baddest radar detector offering.. the MAX 360 A quick glance over the specs tells me A. this unit is gonna revolutionize the market and B. My wallet is about to get lighter.

"badgez?!.. we don't need no stinkin badgez.."
My current 9500ix is a damn fine detector and arguably the best detector on the market with only their own Redline slightly better in straight-line performance. I'm definitely not slumming it. However, my question is... "exactly how good is the new Max 360?" Questions in hand, I spoke to one of the Escort tech guys and asked him to walk me though the Max 360 features and to compare it with my 9500ix and the Redline..

Basically.. he said the Max is superior to BOTH the aforementioned models.. It's equal to the Redline is straight-line distance detectability and superior to the 9500ix in features. I won't go into all the fancy, foofoo features. They are too many to list. That info is on their website. The biggest improvement to the latest Escort (other than the Bluetooth capability) is...the Max 360 has an all new rear sensor which both gives you ass protection and allows for the directional arrows on the front (similar to the aging, but venerable Valentine 1) which shows you were the PoPo are hiding... Sweet! Having lived with a Valentine for a few years... those directional arrows are VERY cool...

The Max 360 should be hitting the market right about now.. While the price is enough to induce rectal bleeding and gnashing of teeth... ($650+ shipping!)... at some point I'll have to upgrade. My well being depends on it. I'll post some of the upcoming reviews when available... This bodes well for us unrepentant law breakers. Arrrrrg.

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

Pirates Lair Product Alert: We Now Have HeliBars!

In the last action packed, cheese-filled Pirates Lair newsletter (when I wasn't self indulging on my holy war against political correctness), I asked our customers and readers what they'd like us to add to our product line. Hell.. If I don't ask I have to rely on my own skewed opinions. I got a lot of suggestions and HeliBars was mentioned more than once and that's good enough for me. Done.. I jumped through all the hoops and we're now carrying their entire product line.

HeliBars are designed for easy installation, in most cases retaining all original cables and hydraulic lines and requiring little or no modification to your original equipment. They are made right here in the USA by yes.. Americans. All kits are backed by a one year warranty on all materials and workmanship, as well as a 30 day money back guarantee if you are not completely satisfied. Does it get any better than that?

While HeliBars make a lot of kits for a lot of bikes (and we can get them all via special order...,) at the moment I'm concentrating on our bread and butter bikes. As of this writing I have pages up for the BMW K1600GT/ GTL, K1200S / K1300S, the 2006-08 K1200GT, the K1300GT, and the mighty S1000RR.

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

Air Horn Comparison: Going Loud... Stebel Nautilus vs Denali SoundBomb

For the last six years, we've carried the ear-bustin' Stebel Nautilus Air horn in our product line up. No longer. A few weeks ago we changed over to the Denali SoundBomb Compact horn. Why the change? Glad you asked.. My goal is of course to carry the loudest horns I can get my hands on for our customers. Recently I heard "Trumpian" claims from Denali that their horn was louder than the venerable Nautilus. Oh really?! I immediately called my rep (who carries both) for the 411.

The Stebel is rated at 139db. The Denali Soundbomb is rated at 120db. Hmmm... If you go by the "posted" numbers the Nautilus should be considerably louder.. Or is it? My rep said to look closely at the measurements. The Stebel's numbers are measured at 3 inches.. The Denali SoundBomb is measured at a real-world 3 feet.  Huge difference! So which is louder? Rather than simply take Denali's claims at face value, we did a blind sound-off test to find out.  First, our scantily clad blindfolded tester stood 15ft in front of the bike. In fact.. she was wearing nothing except a blindfold. I had previously mounted the Denali SoundBomb within inches of the Stebel Nautilus on my K1200S so I could swap the wires within seconds then went back and forth a few times never telling our tester which horn was which and asked which she thought was louder.....   A or B..

The clear winner was the Denali SoundBomb (as my rep predicted.) Our tester (who repeatedly kept asking why she needed to be naked for a sound test.. sheesh) said it was indeed slightly louder, the frequency/range a little higher, and (she said) clearer. To my pitiful ears (which have been damaged by years of sustained abuse).. the loudness was about the same... Bottom line.. virgin ears picked the Denali repeatedly and decisively over the Nautilus. Good enough for me.. We have those in stock here....

Blow me...

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

What Men Really Want for Christmas: Pirates Lair Gift Cards, Tees, BJs!

Through the years we've gotten more requests for Pirates Lair gift cards and tees than anything else except perhaps naked pictures of Amber. Who are we to deny the masses? Pirates' Lair again is offering Pirates Lair Gift Cards this holiday season in a number of denominations to fit your congressionally pummeled budget. From $25 to $300! Our standard sized plastic gift card is sleek, stylish, and professionally made. And no.. it doesn't look anything like the babe at right although that's NOT a bad idea. Whip it out (the card, that is) and you will garner respect and admiration from not only your peers, but also the less fortunate around you.

Like buying underwear or choosing a hooker, buying motorcycle accessories is a very personal thing. Simply guessing what your favorite rider actually needs/wants/desires for his ride is a hit or miss proposition. Rather than putting yourself in the embarrassing situation of getting the wrong thing or worse.. something that he or she hates and has to return... you can't go wrong with one of our waaaay cool Pirates Lair Gift Cards. Ladies.. these are perfect for the holidays, birthdays, weddings, promotions, or just a way of saying.. "Sorry honey..but I didn't realize that the old guitar I sold at last month's yard sale for $40 was a 1965 Fender Stratocaster personally autographed by Jimi Hendrix." Remember.. nothing says.. "I love you" or "I'm sorry" to a man like shiny plastic or I suppose.. an unexpected BJ.. One that doesn't involve begging, cash, or undercover police officers.

Included with every Pirates Lair Gift Card is a single-fold, greeting card style gift card holder with a folded/glued pocket inside for easy gift card insertion and removal. And that's not all! We also include a small matching envelope. Folded size: 4 3/4" x 3 3/8" Actual cost of each card is $5 to cover cost of card, holder, envelope package, and insured shipping inside the US. For instance.. a $25 gift card will cost $30 to your door. Saavy? Foreign orders are welcome. Happy Holidays!

Ho.. Ho..

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

Product Review Follow-Ups: Year End Closure and Reflection for 2015

Over the past year I've done quite a few product reviews. As we all know.. opinions can and do change after we've lived with something for a while. . Sometimes for the better.. sometimes for the worse. Wife # 3 comes to mind, but I digress. Thought I'd wrap up the year's last cheesy newsletter with some final thoughts..

Follow-Up: Michelin Pilot Power 3's July / Aug 2013 As many of you know, I go through tires like Steven Tyler goes though scarves. My goal? Finding that elusive of all creatures... A sport oriented street tire that offers a reasonable balance between cost, longevity, and ultimate stick. In late October I finished off my second pair of the PP3s. I got virtually the same mileage out of the front as the last front. While I got a full 1K fewer miles off the rear I am still happy with the mileage results. Can I explain why I got 1000 fewer miles at the rear? My guess? Off the top of my head.. one particularly tire shredding trip across the Cherohala Skyway and back with some friends just recently. Bottom line, at least for my riding style, the Michelin Pilot Power 3 appears to be the closest I've ever come to the"perfect" sport-touring tire... The grip is exemplary. Faultless. The stuff of legends. Merci, Michelin

Front Tire
Michelin Pilot Power Pure- 2750 miles
Michelin Pilot Power 3 - 3780 miles
Michelin Pilot Power 3 - 3790 miles
Rear Tire
Michelin Pilot Power Pure - 3640 miles
Michelin Pilot Power 3 - 5000 miles

Michelin Pilot Power 3 - 4010 miles
Ginger? or MaryAnn?
Follow-Up: Scorpion Commander II Jacket May/June 2015 In our May 2015 newsletter I wrote of my then new Scorpion Commander II Jacket. I had just bought it as a replacement for a my trusty 8 year old Firstgear Kilimanjaro. Since then the Scorpion Commander has met and exceeded all my expectations. The jacket isn't perfect.. It's not as good as the Kilimanjaro, but at 1/2 the price, I wouldn't expect it to be. I don't particularly like the sleeve cuffs design, but other than that little gripe... this jacket rocks. It's comfortable, water-proof, comes with multiple liners, is inexpensive, stylish, and has lots of user-friendly features. Easily worth the money if you are looking for a budget jacket that can be seen from Jupiter.

What's New In the BMW No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com and www.K-Bikes.com for the information and/or pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. We're starting to get 2016 I-BMW Rally schedules in. (See rally section below).. I just signed the contract for the 2016 I-BMW Deals Gap Rally to be held again at the Tapoco Lodge. Many will be glad to know that I've negotiated lower rates for our group for 2016. Woohoo! Again it'll be the first full weekend of October. You can make reservations now under the I-BMW banner.

2. Pyramid Plastics (in the UK) just released their Extenda Fenda for the 2011-2015 BMW K1600GTL & GT. (pic at right) These kits are a little different. They do NOT use rivets or screws to attach. The stick-fit version is a fairly new option for certain models. The sticky pads supplied with this version of the product are extremely high bond and quite different to the brown sticky tape on the other kits. Pyramid tested this high bond adhesive for over a year before first offering it to retail customers in the UK. They are now selling them in the US. FYI.. Pirates Lair has them...

3. Guess I should squeeze in at least one public service announcement before the year is over.. Here's an article we should all read... What To Do When You're The First On The Scene At An Accident ..

Larger Image!

4. R & G Racing wants to give your 2015+ S1000RR a great looking ass.. We just got word that they have a Tail Tidy Kit available now for the new bikes. Va Va Voom!

5. Remus exhaust systems for the 2015+ BMW R1200RS & R1200R are finally in the states. Max Moto and Pirates Lair both have those in stock.

6. MRA just announced their Racing Windscreen for the 2015+ BMW S1000RR... It will be available in clear, dark tint, or blacked-out... Due to the center dome-like elevation of the racing shield, your head and helmet will be relieved from wind pressure and you will experience vastly improved aerodynamics.. or so the advertising info says. As with everything else they produce, quality is first rate. The MRA Racing Windscreen offers better protection than stock yet does NOT sacrifice the sporty look and/or low profile appearance. The first shipments should be arriving on our shores in time for Christmas.

7. If you are one of the unlucky K12 owners who've experienced an ABS module failure and faced a $2500-3000 bill, here's some encouraging news for you. A customer of mine found a source that can rebuild these devilish assemblies for around $300 and offers a 5 year warranty. Check out ModuleMasters. You are most welcome...

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Holiday Military Swag: During the month of December, Pirates Lair will again be giving away a Free Pirates Lair Kickstand Pad with each order to every customer who is a veteran or currently serving in the military.. Just ask and you shall receive. You will NOT see these listed on our website. Our kickstand pads are made of a black thermoplastic with the legendary Pirates Lair logo emblazoned on them. We had such a great response on this last year that I've decided to make this a Pirates Lair holiday tradition. We hope our service men and women around the world take us up on the offer. This is our humble way of saying "Thank you for all you do, soldier..."

2. During the month of December, Pirates Lair is giving away a FREE Pirates Lair tee with every exhaust system sold... Remus, Staintune, or Two Brothers...

3. Remus has discontinued their "Shortie" Hexacone Canisters and Pirates Lair has the last two in Carbon Fiber to fit the BMW K1200S. Or I should say.. they should be here any day now. They are only 14" long.. sleek, sexy, and guaranteed to please her. This is basically a last call.. To sweeten the deal, we are offering FREE Pirates Lair tees with these last 2 shorties.... Just let us know what size tee you want at time of order and we'll take care of it..

4. New Product Alert: If you are the proud owner of the new BMW S1000XR... I have good news for you.. We just got confirmation that Synto levers are available for your bike and we have them...

5. New Product Alert: MRA just announced their Racing Windscreen for the 2015+ BMW S1000RR... It'll be available in clear, dark tint, or blacked-out... We are taking pre-orders now...

6. New Product Alert: We now have the Denali SoundBomb Compact horn..in stock. (see review above) We also offer plug-n-play wiring kits for those with limited wiring capabilities, like myself.

7. Here's a last minute idea for an inexpensive Christmas present.. FYI.. I never ride without wearing a helmet liner inside my helmet.. NEVER.. and the best one on the market IMHO is the Raci-Baby Helmet Liner I actually did a review of this helmet liner in our July 2012 Issue. I have 2 that I rotate in the wash when the other is dirty. IMHO.. these would make the perfect gift for anyone who wears a helmet.... Motorcyclists, snowmobilers, skiers, bicyclists, and probably soldiers. And did I mention these are made here in the USA?

8. There's a nice write up of our latest offering.. the R1200GSW Stealth Backrest in the fall edition of BMW Motorcycle Magazine on page 91.. Those are in stock now.. We're also looking down the road for mid-2016 for a Adventure version backrest..

9. Until Jan 10th, 2016, all our Pirates Lair tees are on sale!!! Yes.. you heard that correctly. Both short and long sleeve. We just got a shipment of LONG SLEEVE Pirates Lair Plundering tees just in time for the cold months ahead and the holidays. The XXLarge tees also make wonderful sleepwear for your rug rats or that special person in your life. Also good for covering up back hair and/or aging tattoos. Guaranteed to get you laid more often.*
* Does not work on married men or GS riders.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

10. New Product Alert: Pyramid Plastics (in the UK) just released their Extenda Fenda for the 2011-2015 BMW K1600GTL & GT. These kits are a little different from past kits. They do NOT use rivets or screws to attach. The stick-fit version is a fairly new option for certain models. We have them here...

11. New Product Alert: "Everyone loves a nice looking ass" says R & G Racing. I tend to agree.. They now has a Tail Tidy Kit for the 2015+ S1000RR. We are taking orders now...

12. Just a reminder... For the last 13 years I've collected photos of bikes, rallies, events, vacations, babes, etc and have uploaded all of them to the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery hosted by SmugMug. I have dozens of albums there for public viewing and/or downloading. Our "Wall of Shame" album seems to get the most hits.. If you'd like to contribute.. email me a pic of your close encounter with the law. Enjoy.

13. New Product Alert: Just in time for the holidays, here's a good gift idea... Check out the British-made R&G Racing Hexagonal Exhaust Protector for hexagonal shaped exhausts. Help protect your expensive canister from some of the ugliness of going down with this little aftermarket accessory. FYI.. The protector portion is hard plastic. It slides over your canister and has a metal securing strap on the backside that cinches down and screws tight via a single screw. The plastic part has thick rubber on the underside to protect your canister finish. These are available in black only. Simple chimp-easy install.

14. New Product Alert: As promised we now have SSR Billet Gas Caps for the new BMW R1200RS, 2015+ K1300S, 2014+ K1600GT /GTL, the water-cooled R1200GS (and Adventure), and the 2015 R1200RT...

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

I-BMW Rally Event News : 2016
Here ye.. Here ye: I-bmw.com is not an "official" sponsor of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

The Second Australian I-BMW Rally: March 4-7th, 2016 New!

Planning is in the works. Currently all details can be found at I-BMW.com

Basically.. starting in the town of Tumut, NSW, Australia plan for 4 days of riding together through and around the Snowy Mountains. Victoria Labor day weekend is the following weekend (12-14th March) and places are already booked out, plus that equals busy roads. Easter weekend is the last weekend of March in 2016 so that's out, and the Australian Grand Prix is the first weekend of April in 2016, so that doesn't effect us either. Superbikes is 20-22nd Feb at Philip Island, so that at least puts the rally 2 weeks after that. There doesn't appear to be any festivals in the places we are staying, apparently the bus loads of people start rolling into the area for the Autumn leaves in late March. But you never know, could be Elvis weekend, cross-dressing cowboy weekend, read the manual to your motorbike weekend.... you just never know. The weather should be glorious early March. Pretty much the same as last year. Crisp in the mountains (lowest was 10degrees) and getting up in the high 20's off the mountains.

All rally details including detailed maps showing the daily routes, lodging, etc... can be found at I-BMW.com Motorcycle rentals are available out of Sydney and Melbourne with quite a few BMW's on the menu. Costs are about $200-300+ a day plus insurance, deposit etc. Be a part of (hopefully) a new tradition.. and watch out for the 'roos.

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

The 17th Annual I-BMW Deals Gap Rally: October 6-8th, 2016 New!

Where: Tapoco Lodge
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: October 6th-9th, 2016 [Thur-Sat] Check out Sunday
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

The Tapoco Lodge (near Robbinsville) site of our first 9 or so DGR's and last year's rainfest will again host the 2016 event. Hopefully without any hurricanes spoiling the fun. The newly renovated, upscale Tapoco has reserved (20) cabins for our motley group and this year with cheaper rates. Woohoo!! All cabins for 2016 range from $159-219 a night. Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking. Amber and I will be there. Neither of us will be wearing panties.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel or Fontana Village Resort
Closest BMW dealer: Eurosport of Asheville, NC

Cancellation Policy: In the event of cancellation 30 days prior to the event, guest will be charged for one night. If the cancellation is outside of the 30 days, there will be no charge. This policy will be strictly enforced in 2016 and is nonnegotiable. Savvy?

We're baaaaaack!

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair tees or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from or at the rally itself.. If we don't reward bad behavior... who else will?? Arrrrrrg.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month. Our last safe riding tip # 163 was sent in by Dwight Manuel of Asheville, NC!
Thx, bro. Could his tip save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have one last contribution for 2015. A perfect way to end the year. Check out
What To Do When You're The First On The Scene At An Accident. The life you save might be mine.

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

---------------------------------------- --------------------------------------

Guess that kinda wraps this one up. This will be the last communiqué for 2015. It's been another challenging year for Amber and I (and Pirates' Lair) thanks to the Obama regime, but we survived another year. Who knows what the future will bring. Amber and I appreciate everyone's help, advice, encouragement, and occasional naked pics throughout this past year. Best wishes to you all for a prosperous 2016...

In spite of what the far left would like us to say, we sincerely hope that you and yours (no matter what bike you ride and/or religion) have a a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember if you're gonna drink... leave the bike at home... For our secularist customers... Happy Winter Season.

For the US troops serving all over the world thank you for everything you are doing for us and our country. Godspeed, soldier.

Take care.. ride safe...stay warm.. watch out for flying reindeer... See you in the New Year..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues