We hear the 2008 Texas Hill Country Rally was da bomb! The weather was so so.. some rain.. no sweltering heat...plenty of Texas sunshine. ..no "tecnical" crashes. Lots of trip reports are coming in over at the sponsoring website... www.I-BMW.com and it sounds like a good, clean, semi-law-abiding time was had by all.

A few "velocity awards" were achived by some of the usual and not so usual suspects. Thx for doin' us proud, guys...!! . A special thanks to James Myrick and his posse who organized the event and all the guys at www.I-BMW.com for promoting yet another successful event.

If interested/bored/bi-curious.. check out our Texas Hill Country Rally 2008 Photo Album. Thx to all who contributed photos to the album.. Tim & Susan, Muddy1 (aka Princess), Lamour, McFly, Karlb, James, etc, etc..

BMW Quick Disconnects Warning: Be Afraid!

I don't know about you, but catching fire while riding is way, way, waaaaaay down on my "must do" list. Probably right in between attending a Barry Manilow concert and unexpectedly running an 1/8" dull drill bit though my erect penis. This helpful tip just in from our good friend, Chris Egan. A reminder that those quick disconnects on the old K1200RS and K1200GT do go bad and need to be replaced every so often or bad things can happen.. I should mention, I have heard this exact same scenario from at least half a dozen other RS owners.. Unless you're Johnny Storm ..you may want to heed the warning or forever be ready to "Flame On.!"

" The quick disconnect for the gas tank broke while I was riding. I didn't notice gas was spraying all over me until i felt my leg getting wet. The quick disconnect was replaced on a recall when the bike was new and had only 5k miles on it. It had 40K on it when it broke. BMW was not surprised or sympathetic or even remotely concerned that if it caught fire. I could have gone up in flames. Drove the 55 miles to the dealer got the replacement parts, fixed it, then traded the bike that afternoon."

I strongly suggest every K1200RS and early GT owner replace or at least check their quick disconnects ASAP or at least the next time you change your oil. If you don't... the next thing you smell something burning ... it may just be your own leg.

Product Review: MotoGP Digital Tire Warmers

Doing track days is an expensive hobby.... Just think about it.. A track day weekend fee.. $350, motel for 2 nights..$150, food for 2 days.. $70, gas to and from the event in your gas sucking SUV..$100, race tires per pair $350.. A conservative total is around $1020 and that doesn't even take into consideration all the incidental crap you'll spend your money on along the way.. snacks, sun-screen, lap dances, tips for the umbrella girls, etc.. And don't forget the make-up dinner with your wife once you get back to cover the guilt of leaving her alone to take care of the pets for a few days while you're out gleefully playing. ..Geez..

With all the aforementioned doubloons being shelled out, you owe it to yourself to make the most of each freakin' lap once the wheels are rolling. Without tire warmers, anyone with an IQ over 100 should take a full lap or two to get your tires up to operating temperature. That's almost 2 laps every session that you are NOT at warp speed.. 2 laps that you are NOT utilizing to the fullest extent the massive cajones that the God above gave you.. Enter tire warmers..

Unlike street tires, track tires operate best only at certain temperatures. Usually around 170-175 degrees. Also.. unlike street tires, track tires have only 10-12 heat cycles in them so without warmers, .. yes they will get you through a track day weekend but will be useless afterwards even if there is tread left on them.. With warmers even if you let them cool at lunch each day, you can limit that to only 4 cycles for the weekend saving your goadawfully expensive tires for perhaps another day or two depending on your tread.. 

Up until this year I could never justify spending $300 for a pair of tire warmers but as I have at least 14 track days lined up in 2008, it only made since. After my prerequisite anal research I bought a pair of MotoGP Digital Tire Warmers from Fly-N-Cycle. My second choice would have been Chicken Hawk Warmers, which also gets consistently good reviews, but I went with the MotoGP warmers because of the "serious" price difference.. I paid $315 for the MotoGP.. the Chicken Hawks were almost $200 more. The MotoGP warmers even come in a waay cool black bag. The quality of the MotoGP warmers looks first rate, however.. I compared them to the Chicken Hawk warmers while at the track and the Chicken Hawks did appear to be thicker and a better quality... and for $200+ more.. they should!!

Installing them on your tires the first time takes only common since.. A velcro strap wraps around the tire on one end through the spokes to secure one end, you spin the wheel while pulling the elasticized material tight, then secure on the other end with a wide Velcro strap. One you get them on, (which takes about 1-2 minutes per wheel), then you can program your digital module with whatever temp you deem appropriate for your specific brand tires. I checked with a good buddy, Pete who also uses Pirelli Super Corsa Pros and he suggested 175 degrees for race time (that's 79 °C.)

Figuring out the digital module was chimp easy.. sort of. Took me about 5 minutes after reading the furnished instructions. You set the temp to where you want via some up or down arrows just once. That temp you set will store in memory until the second coming of Christ or until you change it. The ONLY thing I didn't like about the MotoGp Digital Tire Warmers was that the digital readout is in Celsius.. NOT Fahrenheit.. What the f#@*! This is America, dammit! I had to go on line and find then print out a conversion chart. Not a biggie as I'll not have to change the settings often..but geez. This was just an unexpected oddity. I hate the fact that any time I walk by and look down at the temp setting I really have no idea what the celsius numbers mean and as I did waaay too many drugs back in the 70's and 80's and 90's I can't do math in my head.... A pisser.

So how did they work? Damn, good! I used them for the first time at Barber Motorsport Park on April 12th and 13th and they made a world of difference.. I was up to full speed within 1/4 lap and felt completely confident doing it..I would imagine that being able to go full speed right out of the gate gave me at least 10 full fast laps over the course of the weekend that without warmers, I would have spent just warming up the tires..... Honestly.. well worth the money if you do more than one or 2 track days a year....

Vicmoto Motorcycle Tours : A Different Way Around Australia: Part II

In our Jan 2008 Cheesy Newsletter I mentioned Vicmoto Motorcycle Tours Pty Ltd. an all new luxury passenger touring service operating out of Australia centered around the BMW K1200GT. Basically it was a service that you hire to carry you around the country two-up... (pic at right..)Your own private two-wheeled chauffeur. Well.. apparently their biz is booming.. no doubt due to the Pirates' Lair "bump" as they have expanded their service adding a plethora of rental bikes and turn-key guided tours.

Here is the latest from Martin Craig / Owner / Ayatollah of Rock N Roller..."We are launching a holistic BMW guided tours service shortly here in Australia utilizing the following models: F800 S&ST, R1200GS, R 1200GS Adventure, R1200RT and R1200GT. This will be previewed on our website shortly. The theme is high quality riding, high quality venues, and dining consistent with BMW standards. (see my comment on the Vicmoto video thread regarding standard tour inclusions).

The first tour is the 'Ultimate Icons of Victoria' which is 3,200kms of extremely varied and challenging terrain, all on sealed roads and showcasing many facets of the Australian countryside, towns and villages. High quality riding and high quality overnight venues. The second tour will be 'Ultimate Tasmania' the island state that is renowned by Australian motorcyclists as a premier motorcycling venue. The Icons of Victoria tour rolling straight into the Tasmania tour would be nearly three weeks of pure indulgence.

If I were headed to Australia.. these are the guys I'd be riding with.. It's not just a tour.. it's an adventure. Leave the boomerang at home. Contact them via e-mail at vicmoto@bigpond.com or check out the VicMoto Motorcycle Tours Website

2. Weepy news just in from the lone Staintune importer to dealers. "Due to the continued fall of the US Dollar, we are forced to raise our Staintune prices across the board. We have held tight for over a year now and it’s time to face the fact that the dollar is not going to gain strength any time in the near future. Price changes will be effective Friday April 4th. Please update pricing on your web sites ASAP. Thank you for your continued business." www.cbtimports.com

3. Our good friend, Chris Egan just reminded us that those quick disconnects on the old K1200RS and K1200GT do go bad and need to be replaced every year or two or bad things can happen.. (see well written blurb in top section for details.)

4. ZTechnik has a taller, wider K1200GT VStream windshield on the market. The new version is 2.5" taller than their first VStream and 1.5" wider. Part # is Z2453 and retail is $210.. about twenty dollars more than the first version. Here are the specs: Height: 25.75 in. (65.4cm); Width: 25.25 in. (64.1cm) According to their website verbiage.."It's the perfect shield for taller riders or those who want even greater wind protection."

5. Looking for an alternative Hugger ( to the high dollar Carbon Fiber Ilmberger) for your K1200S? One of our Danish customers pointed us to Skidmarx Accessories located in the UK. They sell Huggers in a paintable fiberglass. He bought one and reported this.. "Just picked up the Skidmarx hugger for my K12S, the quality of the fiberglass are good, the finish are ok, there is a need for a paint job, but that what could be expected. It is shorter than the carbon hugger from Ilmberger. The price including danish tax (25%) and shipping from the UK to Denmark was $265. I have decided to return the hugger as it is too short in my opinion.." Thx, Rune BTW.. He sent me a pic of it and it was kinda ugly...

6. Listen up rubber fetishists.. Have you been wanting rubber between your boots and your metal K1200S foot pegs?? We just found out that the rubber covered front foot pegs that come stock on the R1200R fit perfectly on the K1200S...They look similar to the old K1200RS factory pegs...Thx, JoeS.

7. Some of you may or not be aware of the fact that I've never been a big fan of the baboon-ass, Mick Jagger tongue, swollen and battered hooker's hooha- looking tail light on the K1200S... As a matter of fact... I think the German designer should have his jewels pummeled (re: the torture scene at the end of Casino Royale)... Anyway... an always thinking buddy of mine, Joe showed up on his K1200S yesterday and had made 2 unusual yet simple changes to his bike and I thought I'd share. He's a non-computer guy and I don't think he'll mind.

He went to the local MV Agusta dealer and bought the MV tail reflectors (which come stock on all F4's) and placed them on each side of the ugly S tail light. Ordinarily I'm not a big fan of reflectors but these really made a positive visual difference to the back of the S. The visual effect is that it makes the ugly tail light look less..well.. noticeable as a single ugly German entity. The effect when standing back is that the tail light is almost 3 piece and wider..(as it should have been in the first place.) I guess it's technically like having a make-up artist putting makeup around an ugly facial feature to distract innocent bystanders from the horror that lies just inches away... Think Oprah... before and after make-up. and yea.. yea.. some of you sickos have actually grown to love the look of the tail light.. Talk to the hand.. I also hear inmates get used to prison sex after a few years and lab monkeys get used to needles...Click here for a look...

8. Thinking about putting one of Pack Parts K1200R Carbon Fiber Front Fenders on your K1200R Sport? You may want to think again.. This info just in from our good buddy, Jerry D. McClure...

"The fasteners and their locations that hold the Sport fender on are not the same as the regular R. Whereas the Sport uses 4 fasteners, much like the S, the R front fender requires 3 fasteners of a different size along with a couple of clips that the 2 fasteners on the fork legs screw into, which is not a huge deal, I would just have to order those fasteners. Of greater concern when mounting this fender on the Sport is that the slot and large hole (which on the R is where 2 rubber grommets are to go) on the bottom of the fender tabs that are meant to be covered by the fork leg side panels found on the R would be exposed on the Sport since the Sport does not have those panels.
In other words I believe this fender is an exact substitute for the R fender, and while it could be fitted to the Sport with the proper hardware, it really is not designed for the Sport, and the exposed portion of the tab would be rather fugly, IMHO.

1. As I foretold in last months cheesy newsletter..our legendary Pirates Lair K1200S Plundering Tees are In Stock! This will be the last batch we order. Really! The short sleeve is same price as we sold them a few years ago..a paltry $20 to your US door (our cost with shipping) or $24 for long sleeve. We sell these at cost..Why? Because we're stoopid.. er I mean because it's good advertising for us and it makes our whiny underdressed customers happy.

Whether wanting to look stylish at your daughter's wedding or just lounging around the oval office.. this tee won't disappoint.. Be the envy of your work place or prison yard... !! Guaranteed to impress Jodi Foster. This is NOT the time to be apathetic. Only 50 were ordered and 3/4 are already gone. Buy now or forever hold your piece..and FYI.. these are moving faster than rice in Botswana.

2.. as per the blurb above.Austrailian company Staintune, makers of those sweet sounding all stainless steel exhaust systems just had an across the board price increase. I think it was due to the skyrocketing price of stainless steel worldwide.. We have the complete 2008 Staintune Price List Here.. .

3. As per the prophetic blurb above, we now have the new taller, wider ZTechnik K1200GT VStream Windshield on the menu. The new version is be 2.5" taller than their first VStream and 1.5" wider. Part # is Z2453 and retail is twenty dollars more than the first version. Here are the specs: Height: 25.75 in. (65.4cm); Width: 25.25 in. (64.1cm) According to their website verbiage.."It's the perfect shield for taller riders or those who want even greater wind protection."

4. FYI. Here's a bone for you sissy twin guys..We just found out that our Pirates' Lair Stealth Radar Detector Mount will fit the 2007 BMW R1200R...

5. Prototype testing for our Yamaha FJR1300 Stealth Backrest is complete and will now go into production. I should have those on the menu in about 4 weeks!! Woohoo!! Price delivered looks to be about $350 and will fit the 2006-2008 FJR's only.

6. Stealth Backrest Price Increase Notice: Here Ye.. Here Ye... As of May 15th, 2008 the price for every backrest we sell will increase by $20 ea. Apparently China is buying up all the worlds stainless steel (or so they tell me) causing prices to skyrocket. Believe me.. I hate it as much as you.  They also inform me that prices will go up again in July.. Shaka.. when the walls fell....

7. In our Dec 2007 Cheesy Newsletter I mentioned that we had dropped the Brake LED Kits from Gizmo Mill from our product line. Why? Bad communication. Phone calls went unanswered.. emails unanswered, etc etc. Well last week I got a call from Kevin, the owner asking us to give them another shot. He said they had got all their issues ironed out and apologized profusely for past issues.. With that said.. I placed an order for more K1200RS Brake LED Kits... We should have them any day. Who said I'm not merciful?

8. Recently, Evoluzione stopped producing their K1200S/K1200R Peg Relocator Kits and we've been looking for an alternative even since. Got a call last week from the guys at American Machine and they've got a similar K1200S/K1200R peg lowering kit on the market and of course, we'll be the exclusive distributor, as Allah, blessings and peace be upon his name, intended.. Our American Machine K1200S/K1200R Peg Lowering Kit page is up but we won't have the first shipment for another couple of weeks...These will be available in Silver or Black. Cost will be a paltry $130 delivered.

9. A while back we started selling Billet Gas Caps for BMWs..They are beautiful!!. I have one on my bike..Very stylish.. Up until now we've only been importing them with a silver finish. As of 4/18 we have started selling them with an anodized Black finish... We have those In Stock. Same price as the silver version..Here's a shot of the black cap on a tri-color K1200S..

10. New Section: Pirates Lair Sacred Archives.. We get a lot of whiny requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website.. I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Savvy? You, our quasi-esteemed reader will be able to access the sacred archives from this and all future newsletters by clicking on the link in the lower section.

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have a new contribution this month.. WooHoo!! ?? Check out # 133 contributed by contributed by Dan Bamford of Canberra, Australia .!!! Thx mate!!

Could this tip save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website.. I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

Our last contribution??...contributed by Sir Rich Edwards.. He documented his '07 K1200GT Oil Change in pictures. It's the first listing on the page. Thx, Rich.